My Mother-in-law

There is a phenomenal Bible study going on which can inspire, enrich, surprise, and ground you. It is called the Christian Science Bible lesson. I take part in this global activity, and recently this short story was part of it. This is the passage: "And when Jesus was come into Peter's house, he saw his wife's mother laid, and sick of a fever. And he touched her hand, and the fever left her: and she arose, and ministered unto them." (Matthew 8: 14-15) It reminded me of an experience with my own mother-in-law. And generally to consider "mother-in-laws".

One of my favorite treats while I was studying at the University of Bologna in Northern Italy was lingue di suocera a delightfully tender biscuit with a hint of vanilla, half-covered in dark chocolate. A small bakery on Via Independenza always displayed them on a large baking tray in the window. 

As delicious as these biscuits were and still are to me, their name in English translation has a somewhat distasteful ring to it. It means "mother-in-law's tongue." This might be taken as a compliment to Italian women's culinary skills, but tends to become a dig at mothers-in-law.

There was a time when I had great difficulties with my own mother-in-law. I liked her in some ways, but felt pushed, watched, and too zealously guided by her. For example, when our first son was born, her experience as a medical nurse took over, conflicting with my desire to raise our son with a stronger emphasis on spiritual care and healing. I felt overwhelmed by her advice, and constantly tried to free myself from her influence but to no avail.

Feeling small and helpless, I called a Christian Science practitioner and poured out my woes to her. She listened quietly while I described the conflicting forces at work in our family. After a while she made a stunning comment: "If I were in a position to map out a life for you, I couldn't imagine better terrain for you to grow in grace."

This hit right home. I realized that the whole situation wasn't really about my mother-in-law and me about conflicting opinions, lifestyles, and environments. It was about my sense of sisterly love, my understanding of grace and goodness. It was an invitation to grow. Seeing the situation as a call to deeper understanding of love was intriguing to me. I'm always delighted when there's something I can do.

Mary Baker Eddy wrote: "Love is not something put upon a shelf, to be taken down on rare occasions with sugar-tongs and laid on a rose-leaf. I make strong demands on love, call for active witnesses to prove it, and noble sacrifices and grand achievements as its results. . . . Love cannot be a mere abstraction, or goodness without activity and power" (Miscellaneous Writings 1883-1896, p. 250).

This was clearly the time for me to do something to put love into action, while at the same time recognizing my individual freedom and the grandeur of spiritual sense guiding me. I honestly tried to see more of God, of Love, in my mother-in-law. To see her as a sister and not be intimidated by her nature, which seemed so different from mine. The freedom and spiritual sisterhood soon came and rightly so, because I have found that no spiritual effort is ever wasted.

There's a story in the New Testament of the Bible that reinforces this experience for me. It's so short that it's easily missed. It reads: "And when Jesus was come into Peter's house, he saw his wife's mother laid, and sick of a fever. And he touched her hand, and the fever left her: and she arose, and ministered unto them" (Matt. 8:14, 15).

I feel that there's a wonderful sense of family shining through those two sentences. Jesus was sensitive to include Peter's mother-in-law in his caring and healing work an example that Peter would have noticed. The fact that Peter's mother-in-law saw to their needs after the fever left her, suggests to me that she knew she had been touched by the Christ. And was part of the rich "Jesus-network", supporting his mission.

That was certainly a family blessed and healed. And is it too far-fetched if we extrapolate from this short report a lesson for today that it is merely a stereotype that often the older generation cannot let go of its own needs and concerns and so is unable to support the younger one? Here we see one mother-in-law supporting her son-in-law and his work and the son-in-law caring for her.

Today the relationships within all branches of my own family are pure and strong. We enjoy mutual respect and friendship, and I genuinely love my mother-in-law and value her advice. Also, I still love lingue di suocera, especially when the chocolate is crispy and dark!